The Dying Ember
by Jacksnowfiction
Summary: Fiona , a defected and hunted firefly surgeon, escaped from the fireflies base only to find herself in front of Tommy's dam . The residents welcomed her . She wanted to repay all their kindness with her medical expertise. Sadly , due to trauma, she' struggles to pick up the scalpel . Will her newly found friendship with Ellie and Joel help her overcome her inner demons?
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE : A DARK WORLD**

My name is Dr. Fiona Sanderson.

I been without shelter and food . I survived only on river water for days now. I pray that there is someone , anybody , behind this door that I am about to knock , who will notice me and this memoir recorded in mp3 player tucked in my pocket . There are plenty of things I have recorded about my crazy life . I have a feeling I need to voice them down before I leave this world to join my parents and my beloved Samuel.

Like everyone else born in the 90's , my childhood was pretty normal before this world turned into a dark , crazy asylum . I was a shy little girl living in a quiet farming district . In fact, you could say I was a terrible coward. I was a bully magnet in my class because I was pretty much afraid of everything .

I remembered the worst day of my life in high school . I had a bad stomach cramp, and rushed into the toilet. I found myself bleeding profusely. I had never been so frighten and screamed like I never did in my entire life.

It took a few female teachers and my mother few hours to placate me out of the toilet cubicle , and they told me it was natural for a teenage girl to bleed every month . Thanks to that incident, I became a laughing stock of the whole school.

It's crazy to think that that the same , shy , timid girl who fears almost everything is now writing about death - even welcoming it . If you read on, perhaps you could see the reason why.

It was tough for me to fit into high school , despite so , I was doing surprisingly well in studies . I know I can always return to my loving parents after a hard day of being picked on in class. They always encouraged me to study hard, even though they never even received their high school education. What's even better? I was their only child and princess .

It all changed when I was eighteen and completed high school. I suddenly realized I needed to leave my " comfort zone" when dad and mum agreed that I must receive university education and start to fend for myself. You see , we are not exactly a well to do family , and dad and mum wished that I could be something different rather than following their footstep slotting day and night in their farmyard.

Dad wished for me to be a doctor . He said I have a patient nature and a healing touch , as he had observed me handling the farm animals . I knew I have to give it a try . I've been his little princess, but I had disappointed him for long. So , off I went off to medical collage , being alone and away from my parents for the very first time in my young life.

All I wanted was to get a medical degree to please my father , but I soon learn that it was not at all that easy – especially a degree which would lead you to a career that is not for the faint hearted . The first few years in collage went well , when everything was in pen or paper. Soon, It was too much for me to bear . I had to decipher the green eerie ghostly line that was hook on to patients barely hanging on to their dear lives , not to mention blood oozing from naked skins.

The day I wanted to tell my parents I couldn't cope with collage, was the day everything and everyone I once loved was taken away from me.

I could never forget that day…It was September 11th 2013.

I was home for the weekend , pulling my guts to tell my parents I wanted to quit collage. Mum prepared an awesome homecoming dinner , one of the dishes was my favorite pasta ..

The tv was left open on the news channel . There were reports of unrest and a strange epidemic spreading like wildfire in the major cities of America . I chose to ignore it , although I had a bad feeling about it. Everything seems fine in my University , and my bus trip back home barely hours ago. Besides, I have bigger problem to take care of .

It was getting personal and I was about to spill the beans to mum while helping out in the kitchen… when the tv reporter let out a loud scream, and the cable's reception being cut.

Suddenly , dad rushed into the house and bolted the front door. There was someone bashing at it relentlessly . Dad quickly reached for the rifle on the living room stand . Mr. Smith , our neighbor, knocked down the glass door effortlessly and broke into our house. He destroyed everything in his path , including our dinner table and chairs , along with all the dishes we prepared .He looked … different. His face was starting to disfigure and look like the elephant man. His ruby eyes glared as us as dad tried reminding him of who he was.

When all else failed, dad warned us Mr. Smith is " sick" . He ordered mum to take me and escape with the family car. He told us to never look back . Moments later, I heard gunshot and a terrible scream. I knew by then , that dad was no longer with us. My first instinct was to head back to see him . Ive never even get to tell him about my decision of quitting collage ! but I struggled under mum's tight grip on my hand. We reached for the car .

Mum literally drove through our farmyard into open road. Other villagers seemingly shared our same idea of escaping those that contacted that " sickness". Hundreds were racing down the open road , Confused drivers who thought that they could escape the mad asylum with their car simply collide into each other or running villagers . Roadsigns and nearby houses were burned down .There was fire and chaos everywhere .

Our car was trapped in the middle of a terrible jam. In the middle of the confusion, a strong , young man who seem to contracted the disease smashed the front windscreen of our car . For a moment , I watched mum struggled to fan him off with horrid eyes. We had the advantage at the back of the heavy traffic jam. Mum reversed the car and somehow managed to throw off the young man . It was a close call , but we survived. However, she suffered a bitemark from the young man, which she first dismissed as a trifle matter . Mum continued to drive in the opposite direction towards a further and a lesser known farmland .

All forms of communications were cut off , and we drove all night in order to reach that farmland . At dawn, we parked our car at and stopped for a break at a nearby pond . That was when it became clear that the bite on mum's right arm was no small matter…

Mum unwrapped the makeshift bandage of leaves and herbs that we applied onto her hand . She showed me her wound which was becoming gangrenous at an alarming rate .

She started talking weirdly , saying that she is losing "self control" , most probably thanks to that bite the young man had gave her .She said might have the same disease as Mr. Smith and the young man who attacked us earlier on, and time was running out for her . She told me to stay away from her.

At first , I thought my mum was being ridiculous . I refused to leave my mum . I assured her that we would reach safety and find a cure for the strange disease . She was the one who thought me there is always a solution for every problem .

She pressured me to pinky swear to her that I will study hard , and complete my medical degree if given a chance . Somehow , she could sense It will important to help all the " sick" people out there.

I hesitated. It wouldn't be fair to do so with her as I considered quitting university - but she was very persistent, even begged me .

The very moment I agree, she loaded her rifle , pointed it at her herself , and shot herself right on her head. It happened so fast, I was unable to stop her.

Mum's shot must have alerted some of the " infected" nearby . I didn't know how I escaped them – or whether I even wanted to . I was hopeless in driving , and already failed to obtain my driving license after 5 tries. Somehow I had the strength to leave mum's lifeless body , got into the car , and drove away safely .

I've cried for days , weeks , after the lost of my parents . Mostly I wondered why mum took her own life , while she told me always to treasure mine. I wasn't even sure whether my University was still functioning thanks to the spreading disease. I drove nonstop towards Michigan . Come hell or high water , I was determined to fulfill my promise I made to my mum .


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO : A DARK WORLD**

On a single day… I had lost two of my parents thanks to the CBI (Cordycep Brain Infection) epidemic. Many who are clear of the infection ( which most certainly includes you , the listener of this memoir, or else you wouldn't have the ability to make sense of it ) are faced with two option when they encounter an infected victim : run away from the infected , or kill the infected in self defense . Unless you have a love one being infected or contract the disease yourself - you can't really comprehend the victim's suffering and last hours of being a sentient creature .

First , the fungus infest the victim's brain. He will slowly lose self control and consciousness . The parasite will give him the relentless urge to hunt down and bite other humans and create more infected slave.

Then , the fungus slowly eat up the victim's body - usually starting from the victim's eyes and skull .The victim will eventually become disfigured and blind . He will depend on echolocation to see the world around him.

He will continue to hunt down more slaves , as the fungus slowly wraps and develops itself further around his body . This will continue until he become a complete mutant . A close description of the victim like at this stage would be a hideous version of " Ben Grim" or " The thing" from the fantastic four comics .

The worst part is , CBI is contracted via spores , and bites from infected individuals ( just as in my mother's case). With infected humans all around the corner , and a vaccine yet to be found, it was extremely easy for the disease to spread like wildfire.

Barely 20 years ago, its hard to imagine the human race thought zombie apocalypse like this was a bad joke.

It was when I returned to university , and learned about the various stages and more about CBI that I finally understood why mum resorted to suicide before her first stage of infection really sets in. Both of us didn't even know about the disease at that point of time , but somehow , she took the necessary step out of motherly instinct to protect me .

I was back to my university after a one day drive. It was crazy doing so with a car low on fuel and a shattered windscreen. The car could no longer take the strain of traveling in an almost empty tank and broke down moments after that . I requested a mechanic to took a look at it , and my car was written off instantly . I'm just glad all of these happened after I reached my destination.

I also learned that the CBI outbreak was worst than I expected. T he government had already started to declare a state of emergency . Some states were already placed under martial law. The Western _Michigan University School_ of _Medicine_ was thankfully located in a " safe zone" and still functioning . However , the university had adopted a drastic change of policy .

Under government funding , the University, along with few surviving medical school, joined venture and poured all their resources and research into helping the World Health Organization find a suitable vaccine CBI epidemic . The university ceased intake for most of the other majors except those that benefits the CBI research , like neurology and hematology . Existing students like me , are welcome to continue their studies free of charge in majors still provided . Ive decided to continue my studies in neurology.

You may think that , after all I been through , ive found my purpose in life -and I had fulfilled my promise to my mother before she left me . But it couldn't be more wrong …

I had brave and battled the fear of blood , dead infected bodies , and needles , only to be called to a student meeting a few months later.

We received shocking news that the government decided the university's new objective was useless in the state of emergency , and in time of limited funding . Our fight is over . The latest vaccination test on a n infected patient to revert his condition failed to yield any positive results .

The government decided to shut The Western _Michigan University School_ of _Medicine_ along with the surviving medical schools in America which are actively researching on CBI . The new hope of saving America lies in separating the sick and infected by quarantining healthy individuals , and turning the university into a quarantine site.

After working so hard to find a cure for the epidemic , I, along with many other medical students and teachers , was enraged with the government's decision. That was when I heard a call for all university students and teachers to be united against the government decision.

The university may have been shut down and modified into a quarantine site , but my fight and my promise to my mother was far from over. I journeyed with the rest of the students to Salt Lake City , Utah , where the group, consist of mainly medical and military students , and activist who were unsatisfied of the government policy was officially formed . The building quickly became our main base of operation.

Our organization was named the Fireflies , and our motto is to continue the fight of finding a suitable cure for CBI and boycott the governments decision of martial law.

Marlene , and her husband , Jackson – two activist who were very passionate of our cause, were elected as the first firefly leaders. I could even say I warm up to Marlene. She saw the potential in me , and promptly inducted me as one of the firefly's surgeon in training. I believe that this was the big break I needed. Life went even better when I bumped into Samuel Wheatley , a newly recruited soldier who works for the Firefly Deparment of Defense. Finally, I found someone I could easily talk to besides my parents.

For a while , the fireflies only wanted peace and to show the World Health Organization that they were wrong . Things changed when our peaceful rally against the government turn to riot and bloodshed . Marlene and Jackson slowly resorted to more aggressive and radical plans for our group when six of our members were captured and executed by the US military.

As for me , I should be happy as I was doing so well in my job , I was even promoted to be an assistant surgeon . Instead , the more we were fighting a losing battle against the military , the more I started to see the ugly side of my job.

It was not the blood . Not the needles . Not the ECG machines …

Usually, it was just studying the brains taken from individuals that were infected and long dead.. That changed after the execution, and everyone in the medical team were pushed to their very brink. The new and so call "improved" management adopted by Marlene and Jackson forced the medical team to take more aggressive measures in looking for the vaccine - even if it means conducting cruel experiments on infected test subjects which are very much alive .

My life was extremely miserable when I was somehow responsible for the hundreds of life being sacrificed in the hope of saving humanity. Life runners( patients who are freshly infected by CBI) , and clickers, (patients who are in the second stage of CBI development ) were the most common to be wheeled in everyday to have their brains dissected, and studied.

Then , things got even uglier when Marlene and Jackson renovated a small area in the building and created " the den", where they thrown in fresh ,uninfected target to a cage full of runner and clickers to literally be contracted with CBI and studied . Most of the targets were hostile survivors who would set up their own "territories" and rob or kill passersby for food or supplies . They were known as " hunters". Due to the dwindling military resources, and their aggressive yet resourceful nature , the fireflies see them as a valuable soldiers. They were given a chance to serve the fireflies or choose a fate worse than death.

Everyday , as the patients were struggling on the operating table and then prepped for surgery, I was confused … is the real being somewhere trapped within them? Isn't there anything else we could do to save them?

The only good thing in my life , was Samuel. Through this time of turmoil , he was always there for me. Sometimes , I wish I could escape this mad asylum , but he told me to be patient. Sacrifices must sometimes be made for the greater good of mankind. He also constantly reminded me of my promise to my mum. He was a firm shoulder to lean on whenever my job was too much for me , and I felt like crying my heart out. I gradually realized he was more than a close friend I could confide in and I was falling for him. I could tell the feeling is mutual by his actions and words , Sam wasn't shy to make his love known to me.

It was hard to imagine , even at times like this , Sam and I became lovers . Our first time simply happened when he was visiting my room to fix a broken shower tab. From then on, it just spiraled out of control, and we tried to met each other whenever possible . Sam was like a warm fire in the midst of the cold blizzard of my life which I couldn't live without. Even so, It was a torture I wasn't able to reciprocate his love or promise him we would start a family someday.

After all I been through , I realized whenever something good happens to me in my life , I'm just fated to lose it the next second. It pains me to come out with all sorts of silly white lies to reject his proposal –and even playfully scolding him to think of the birds and the bees in such a time as this.

This carried on for several years. Sam always says he wouldn't give up on me , but I could tell behind the warm smile he flashes me after each rejected proposal , that he was terribly hurt.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE : ESCAPE**

20 years past by just like that . It seems so long , but trust me , you wouldn't even realize it with when the world is such a dark place. I am just 38 , but I felt like a tired , battered old woman.

Tired of looking for the sacred vaccine and the ultimate cure for humanity . Tired of keeping my promise to my mum.

Those same thoughts of escaping the organization formed in my mind from time to time , and I pictured myself staying inside the military quarantine zone, along with Samuel , living day by day surviving on ration and doing odd jobs as a government servant .

I wonder if that is better than life in this haphazard medical research facility that face threats from both government and the world outside.

I even tried to broach the subject with Samuel .Turns out he wouldn't even spare a thought to live with those " bastards" who were rumoured to drops atom bombs on places which are highly infected with CBI. They fully utilize their fighter planes for those cruel deeds before there was a worldwide shortage of fuel . I could see Samuel fumed at the mention of them killing both infected and healthy people alike. A hatred which run strong in him even after 20 years.

He questioned me , while the both side do sacrifice hundreds of lives for their cause , which organization is at least actively taking the effort in saving mankind?

I had always let him win that argument.

On 28th April 2034, I received a notice to work on " an urgent and groundbreaking surgery". Strange to say after 20 over years in and out of the operating room, doing the same old job ,and finally becoming the assistant surgeon of the fireflies , that notice was indeed a welcoming change in my bleak career . At first , I had no idea what was it all about as I was feeling unwell the week before . I was hurling out whatever food I had consumed , and had to take some time off . The lead surgeon demanded my presence in that surgery , weather I was ready to get back to work , or not.

The task became clear to me as a teenage girl was wheeled into the operating room . As she was prepped for surgery, I could tell by the lead surgeon's look that this " groundbreaking" operation wasn't going to be easy. With a dark and solemn expression, he passed around the MRI scans of her brain and relayed the instruction from Marlene – extract her brain in order to create a vaccine .He said he tried to do everything possible for the kid , even argued with Marlene to save her young life , but failed.

For the first time in my life, the cure of mankind stood right before me .I never seen anything like that after performing hundreds of surgery on patients who had been bitten by the infected. There was clearly a bitemark on the young girl's arm, but there was no fungal growth in the limbic region of her brain.

That was the last straw. Samuel's word rang in my ears : sacrifices must sometimes be made for the better good of mankind. But I found that I couldn't have the strength to end a life . Not that time with such a young and uninfected patient.

The young girl might be the only hope for the human race with her immunity to the CBI parasite , but I would not take an innocent young life. Even so , I have to admit that it was pretty tempting . My misery of serving the fireflies could have ended right there. Humanity would finally be back to normal if we can reverse engineer and replicate what precious gift god has bestow upon the teenage girl under laboratory condition . Samuel and I could finally settle down and perhaps raise a teenage girl like her , of our own.

The lead surgeon ordered me to make the first incision on her brain. I braced myself to tell him I want to resign as I could not continue with this surgery.

Suddenly , a middle aged man burst into the operating theater. Gunshots and chaos ensues when he ran amok , killing all medical staff and surgeons and reaching for the girl. I ducked and hid myself behind an oxygen cylinder , thankful that the surgery was interrupted even before it started. I saw him picked up the girl, and simply left. I sense a close bond between them from the way he cradles her and whispered to her as he carried her to safety. He seems to have no blood relation with her , yet treats her as his very own daughter.

When the cost was clear , I came out of my hiding spot only to discover everyone of my subordinates lying dead on the floor . Strange enough , my concern goes for the man and the teenage girl . I knew, being left alone , they would never make it to the exit. The man might be murdered , and the girl might probably be brought back before me to be dissected .

What I decided next was extremely foolhardy...

I decided to help them escape.

I could tell they headed towards basement two of the carpark .By the time I reached there, I saw Marlene lying in a pool of blood and already dead . The man kept his pistol into his holster , and then loaded the teenage girl carefully into a car. There was no way out – at least not without time to discover the exit and the hidden generator. He started the car and revved the engine , and I was glad that it had some fuel left .

I sprung out from my hiding place and stood in front of his car, ordering the middle aged man to trust me – as time was running out for him. I told him to drive to the extreme left of the carpark while I head to the generator to open that garage door from inside out. My heart sank as the firefly military units were deployed to chase after their black car . It looks as if they couldn't make it to the exit- thanks to my weak arms for not being able to lift and power the generator.

Luckily, I manage to open the garage door in the nick of time , and watched their car avoiding the military's firearm as they raced towards freedom. I felt lighthearted to see the both live to fight another day . It feels that their freedom , was part of my freedom too.

I was also wondering whether Samuel was part of the task force sent to hunt down the escapees , and I was glad no one saw me helping them escape . I couldn't be more wrong when I turned my head and saw a strong , muscular figure standing right behind me…

Samuel had seen me letting them escape – and had every right to arrest me for high treason against the Fireflies. At first , he went ballistic that I let such a precious cure escaped and went on with his usual lecture of " sacrificing for the greater good of mankind " until I stopped him with a hard slap on his face.

Sam and I never quarreled that badly . We were still an affectionate couple , although been together for 10 over years . We settled our differences easily most of the time . That was the first time I slapped anyone I loved .

I told him my strong suspicion that I was pregnant ,though too busy with the operation to run an ultrasound scan to confirm the good news . Samuel's eye went wide in disbelief as we always used protection and I am almost past the childbearing age.

I told him to picture it was our own unborn child , ten years down the line, strapped on that operating table instead …

That struck him hard . Samuel finally realized , years of military service for the fireflies had almost made him lose his judgment in life . Samuel had enough of the fireflies and how I had been badly treated- especially with my unconfirmed pregnancy . He planned a daring escape for the both of us the following evening , and told me to meet him at the nearby river . I've packed my bags , ready for my new life away from the fireflies and hopefully, for eternity with Samuel .

Thing would have been perfect and almost a storybook ending … if it was Samuel waiting for me there in the twilight ,instead of a group of soldiers who laid out an ambush to arrest me.

I was caged in the detention cell , all the time wonder how was Samuel doing . I prayed and hope that he had carry on his plan , and escaped safely without me.

A meeting concerning my future with the fireflies was organized the next night in the operating room. I was brought before Jackson, the new leader of the fireflies. He said Marlene and him had their eyes on my medical talent ever since I joined the firefly. Hence, he was giving me another chance to proof my loyalty.

The door opened the moment he said those words, and a struggling patient was wheeled in. I almost fainted when I saw him.

The bite must had been barely few hours old , but already, that loving, handsome face that I used to gaze upon was starting to disfigure.

Those rough yet gentle arms that once caress me and kept me warm during the cold dark nights were already showing signs of decaying flesh.

The victim's strong shoulders and chest , which I once love to rest upon, had multiple bite marks. Just as my mum suffered barely a year ago , the bitemarks on his shoulders and chest were became infectious and developing into gangrene at an alarming rate .

He hissed and glared fiercely at me ... I could see his blue colored eyes which once attracted me to him were now blood red and unforgiving …After all we been though together , He could not even recognize me…

Jackson said this particular soldier was caught assisting my escape, and was no longer of benefit for the organization's cause. Hence, he had thrown him into a den full of clickers to " teach him a lesson of being disloyal to the Fireflies".

My task was simple - dissect the patient to prove my worth and loyalty to the organization - or end up like him .

I barely mouthed the word " no", before Jackson took out his pistol , and ended the victims life there and then with a direct shot to his chest.

Samuel let out one final , horrific screech .His blood splattered onto my operating suit. I screamed as my beloved was murdered in cold blood right before my eyes . I did not know what got into me the next moment , but I somehow managed to gain lightning reflexes in times of rage. I stabbed Jackson with my scalpel directly on the rib, snatching his pistol away from him in the process. I never handled a gun in my whole life until then, but I somehow managed to shoot him and escape the operating room. Till this very moment , I have no idea if Jackson, that madman who took away my beloved's life , survived my shot.

I escaped through the carpark, shooting and avoiding soldiers that try to hunt me down. I open the garage door , just as I did to help the escapees. I ran like there was no tomorrow, using the cover of darkness as my advantage. After avoiding the soldiers , i hiked for days without food or drink , and perhaps a child growing in my belly before I finally reached this hydroelectric station.

I had passed down everything I have learned throughout my life as a surgeon through this memoir . No matter you are an ally or an enemy behind this station door, I hope this memoir will help you make a wise decision in your life.

I am tired … so tired… I believe I have said my all, and hope for the very best.

Fiona.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4: ELLIE'S DIARY PART 1**

_The following are excerpts from a notebook found in Ellie's backpack:_

**July 5th 2034**

The heat is killing me! Urgh.

Ellie here. I've decided to keep a diary since we found an empty notebook in one of the abandon houses couple miles from here. We were exploring one day and Joel found this empty notebook and gave it to me. He told me when he was a kid , he used to keep a diary. I have a hard time imagining Joel as a kid and writing diary, being all demure and stuff. He kept it up for 2 years and then got bored of it, but he told me I should because my life has been an interesting one.

Well the notebook's looks alright, although some dog ears have form on the edge. But the pages are pretty intact and the lines are clean. I found a bag full of stationeries in the same house and lugged it back. We have plenty of pens and papers here at Tommy's makeshift main office, but I'm not sure how they would feel if I would to nick one pen away, since it's a precious commodity today. They are still producing pens in the factories inside those quarantine zones but I don't think any of us will wanna risk our lives for a pen.

So here goes nothing, I don't have much to write about, but maybe starting a diary may bring some adventure forth. I am beginning to feel a little bored staying here at Tommy's base, nothing much ever really happen anymore.

**July 8th**

Here I am outside on the fields, lying down, writing, enjoying the breeze. Today is my rest day and for the past few days I've been tending to the tiny crop field that we have north of our county, alongside some farm animals and horses. We are trying to cultivate some carrots and some summer crops. I don't like carrots, they taste fuckin' weird and bland but we are running low on food supplies. Tomorrow, some of the adults will try to salvage more food from an abandon hypermarket 40 miles from here. Joel plans to go with them. Joel said he will try to find a guitar there so he can teach me how to play. I can't wait to hear that old man sing and he better come home in one piece. Those fuck-face clickers should know by now not to mess with him, I seen him single-handedly killed a gazillion during our previous adventure.

I have been thinking about Marlene recently, and all the events that happen after I left firefly. I kinda miss her and I hope she is doing fine. I didn't get to talk to her at all. I don't recall much, only that I almost drown , and I woke up again in the car, driving away from the Firefly with Joel… and then, after a short trek, arrived at Tommy's dam.

Tommy and his team manage to power up the dam and light up Jackson County, the tiny town south of the dam. And what's more, we get to pick a house on the street to live in, since we are no longer confined inside the dam by the night's darkness and there were a lot of houses to choose from.

Since lighting up the town, more stragglers have actually joined us in protecting our town since we have the almighty rare electricity. It's great that we don't have to always watch our back now. We have a perimeter set up around the town including the dam and barricade the other half where its unoccupied. If we ever need to expand, we'll expand the barricade but for now there's plenty of houses to go around. It felt like a small community here and almost like a mini quarantine zone, minus all the food ration and the constant military presence.

Perhaps one day Marlene and Jackson can join us. Maybe Firefly can set up their base here since Jackson (Marlene's husband) shares the same name as the county. We may even form our own country if we get too big. Maybe they will make me the princess of Jackson County the country since I'm the only pretty young girl around here. Ha! Please kill me before that ever happen.

**July 9th**

Yawn. What a boring day. I tended to the crops particularly fast today and finished my task before sun down. Mury told me I can go out to play. She thinks I'm a tiny little girl. Very funny ha ha, I am laughing my little baby head off.

Joel left for his supply raid trip with the other adults. We didn't get to talk much today, all he said was "I'll be back soon kiddo." He rustled my hair, kissed my cheek and a tight hug before he hopped in the car.

Anyway I'm too lazy to write much, I think I am going to play with the horses. I'm just going to end today's entry. Take that you snoop, whoever's reading this!

**July 10th**

Today has to be the most exciting day since we arrived at Tommy's dam. A lady was seen sprawled outside the dam's main gate with a recorder in her hand . She's all sticks and bones, withered and pretty much dead when we found her. Tommy decided to take her in, but while we nursed her we also handcuffed her. Standard procedure for newcomers. We have to wait it out to see if she was an infected . We gave her water and some herbs to help her recover.

She was holding tight to what look like a voice recorder thingie. Tommy gently pry it away from her hand. We were eager to listen to it, but the battery ran out. Tommy took the voice recorder to one of the engineers to see if they can fix it up.

When she was finally conscious, she managed to tell us her name: Fiona Sanderson. But she was delirious and was constantly coming in and out of her consciousness. She could not talk much. We tried our best to make her comfortable, and did all we could to rehydrate her. Mury and Maria tended to her throughout the day. I can't wait to hear what's in the recorder! Fiona looks like she has gone through a hell of an adventure, and maybe recorded herself throughout the journey.

Maybe tomorrow, the engineers will fix it up and Tommy will tell us what's inside.

...

I'm back. It's middle of the night now. I thought I have finished writing the entry for the day. I was out of the house strolling around the dam due to boredom when I saw Tommy and Maria discussing something intently in one of the office building along with some of the engineers. I was about to walk into their office because I'm sure they are talking about Fiona when I heard Tommy's exasperated voice, "She saved Joel and Ellie from the Firefly! You heard the voice recorder!" I froze at my track Then I quickly moved to the gap in between the rooms and crouched, to avoid views.

"She helped them escaped! She mustn't know. Joel asked me to keep it a secret."

" But she deserves to know the truth!" Maria's voice retorted.

"Not yet. Eventually but not now," Tommy replied.

I felt my stomach drop.

One of the engineers piped in "What should we do now? What will we tell the rest of the people?" Tommy replied, "We'll just tell them the recorder's broken, but we found out that she's a defected firefly surgeon. And we must ask Fiona to keep her actions leading to her defection secret. Especially to Ellie."

"Will the Firefly hunt us down? We already have Ellie… And now Fiona, who betrayed them… Should we kick her out?" one of the engineers by the name of Kelly, chimed in.

"She'll be an asset to us for sure, we definitely need a doctor in the base. And from the sound of it, Joel crippled them good. Those guys deserved it. I defected because they were so clouded by their vision of cure that they would do anything to find ways to get the cure. I become disenchanted. I was so glad I left. And plus we are quite far out from their main base, I wouldn't worry about it."

Kelly began to protest but Tommy was firm with his decision. "Trust me, if she's a capable surgeon, she can help the base tremendously. We just have to make sure our perimeters are always secured and that everyone on duty does their job properly. Firefly or bandits, there are no difference as long as we protect ourselves well." After a few more mundane discussion about the defence and helping Fiona heal, they departed from the room. I crouched deeper in the darkness while I listened to their fading footsteps.

After they left, I was still rooted at my spot. I'm shaking and tearing up, not sure what to make of the new information I just overheard. I knew something was different when I woke up in the car, wearing the hospital gown. I knew Joel were lying when he said I swear on the day of our arrival's at Tommy's dam.

I waited for them to exit the dam before I sneaked out and ran into my house.

Fuck!  
Fuck!  
Fuck!

I am afraid to know what happened back there at the Fireflies base, to when I was unconscious but I have to know. I will ask Joel when he is back .

I hope nothing happen to Aunt Marlene...

**July 14th**

Fiona is slowly regaining her strength. Maria and Mury tended to her in our makeshift clinic, a small one storey house just right next to the dam. Tommy revealed to the group that she is a defected firefly surgeon, and she will be an asset to our group to which everyone simultaneously agreed.

I was given more duty recently which is why I haven't written in a few days. Theres also rumours that Fiona might be pregnant as Mury was asking around for a pregnancy kit. One of the family have it from their previous stash and they gave it to her.

I haven't been able to speak to Fiona as they wouldn't allow people into the clinic. She is definitely clear of any infection as she hasn't turn in recent days. Tonight I will sneak in to speak with her. Hopefully she will tell me what I want to know

Also Joel and the gang have been away for a week now. They should be back by now but no one has seen them. I am a little worried, he better be back in one piece, I have so much to ask him. But knowing Joel , he'll be fine.

**July 15th**

I woke up at 3am this morning and sneaked into the clinic. Fiona was lying on one of the stretchers that doubles as bed for sick she wasn't asleep yet. She noticed me jumping in from the window (bad habit I picked up from travelling with Joel for so long) and smiled at me.

"I know who you are," she said in a soft voice.

I asked her why isn't she asleep yet , she said she couldn't sleep that well. Often times she would wake up with nightmares so sometimes she just stay up.

"But you are recovering, you need to rest!" I protested.

"Don't worry about me honey," she said , "come closer, let me take a look at you."

When I got close to her, she stroke my hair, and said, "I am happy to finally see you Ellie."

I immediately blurted out, " Joel said there are many immune people in the firefly! And I am just one of them, thats why Marlene didn't need me. Thats why we left back here for Tommy's dam. And tht you still can't find any cure despite all the immune people. Why did you leave firefly? Don't you want you find a cure? " I couldn't stop myself. She was taken a back for a brief moment and then recovered herself quickly. After a while, she reluctantly nodded. "Joel is right." She simply said.

"You are lying! I deserve to know what happen!" I almost screamed at her. "Tommy must've heard your story from your voice recorder. Why shouldn't I know what happen? I'm the one involved!"

She hugged me suddenly and I was caught offguard. My eyes were tearing up at that point. Fucking emotions.

"Today is one of the happiest day in my life," she told me while embracing me tightly.

"For the longest time, I felt like giving up. All the days when I was travelling away from firefly seeking a new refuge. It was few weeks before I finally got here but I was dying. I felt like dying. But I know I have to keep going."

She releases the embrace and place her hand on her stomach. "I have a reason to keep going."

"Your baby?" I suggested

"Yes. Today from the help of the people here I found out I am still pregnant. My baby is alive. I can feel it still growing inside of me too, " she smiled at me. "I travelled away from firefly's base and walked for days and miles, stopping and hiding in abandon houses along the way. I manage to hide from clickers and hunters, by just staying in one place for a long time. Everyday I try to find food, scraps, sustenance. And everytime I get to eat I would imagined it being absorbed by my baby , nothing goes to me. I want to trudge on as long as I could. The baby deserves a life, even if it's in this bleak world. The baby is the only one reminding me of Sam. And my sanity.

"After a month of hiding and slowly travelling, something compelled me to explore a forest nearby I was tired and delirious and I can barely walk. I forced herself to make a last , desperate hike, following the sound of the river, and I found myself here."

"Without this baby, I will just give up and join Sam in wherever otherworldly place he's in now." she continued. I smiled meekly, unsure who is Sam and how to react at this point.

After a brief silence , she said, "Those Firefly, they killed Sam. My lover."

"I'm so sorry to hear that," I said, finally realizing who Fiona was refering to.

"You need to stop thinking that you are the cure for humanity." She paused and then said, "If we were to take you away, Joel would've lost his purpose to keep living."

I avoided eye contact with her and stared into the space below me for awhile. "Were they going to kill me? Did.. did Joel destroy the base so he could save me? What happen to Marlene and Jackson? What happen to the rest of the Firefly base?"

Fiona looked away. "Everything happen for a reason Ellie. Maybe it is time for Firefly to learn that what they are doing is not right." She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry Ellie. I'm tired. I think I need to rest."

And that was that. No further prodding or questioning yielded anymore information from Fiona. She still looked weary and weak, and I'm beginning to feel bad intruding into her resting time. I apologized to her and then sneaked out through the window and back into my room. The questions will have to wait but I'm getting closer to the truth. Perhaps Joel will be back tomorrow.

**July 16th**

I didn't sleep well yesterday. I had a nightmare. In my nightmare I saw Aunt Marlene sprawled outside the dam, all bloody. I shouted her name but she is still as log. Whenever I tried running to her, Joel will grab my arm and tell me not to go near her. Suddenly couple runners and clickers start running towards her body and they began to consume her. I was hysterical at that point, shouting at Joel to help her. And then I woke up.

The conversation I had with Fiona yesterday kept running through my head. Unfortunately Joel and gang is still not back yet. I'm getting worried. It's been almost a week and there's no sign of them. Tommy told me not to worry as they probably detoured somewhere in search for more supplies along the way. I tried not to think so much of the growing fear in the pit of my stomach, the fear of Joel not ever coming back.

**July 25th**

Joel and gang is still nowhere to be seen. It's been one month since their departure. Tommy has sent a scout team to look for them. We are crossing our fingers really hard.

I've been really busy last couple days tending to the farm (which explains the huge gap in my diary entry) , and helping Mury and couple of the people cleaning up the clinic. With Fiona in our team, we are turning the makeshift clinic into a proper clinic. She has made a full recovery, and she's directing the clinic's 'renovation'. We will have a store room for medicines and medical apparatus after she gathered the entire medical supply that everyone in the town has.

Despite my sombre and broody mood after my encounter with Fiona a week ago, setting up this clinic was beginning to be a fun project, and Fiona's enthusiasm and liveliness infected us all. Soon we are gathering flowers and herbs in effort to drying them between books so that we could start to decorate the clinic with some organic , fun looking decoration.

While we were stocking up the cabinets with the proper medical tools and supplies, I noticed Fiona picking up a scalpel . It shook in her hand quite noticeably and she accidentally dropped it to the floor. I asked her if she's fine, she said not to worry , it's just the heat and her recovering body. Strange, isn't a surgeon suppose to have dead - steady hands? Otherwise won't they cut the wrong... veins or something? She was writing fine, her hands weren't shaking throughout the entire day. Only when she picked up that scalpel. Hmm… I suppose she was just really tired.

I realize it was a rare chance to ask about the fateful day again, so when I am alone with Fiona, I tried asking about firefly again but Fiona just smiled. I guess I will just have to wait for Joel's return. It seems that no one is willing to tell me anything. The whole base is hiding secrets from me now.

After a full day of working, we cheered when the clinic sign (which Tommy made crudely with woods and nails) was hoisted up on the door, signaling the completion of the clinic reconstruction. We have a proper doctor's table, Mury will become Fiona's nurse when needed, we sterilized all the medical equipments and cleaned everything as much as we can. The future is beginning to look hopeful, and everyone was in good spirit.

...

I am back again, I thought I'm done for the day's entry but I wanna add something - Joel and gang has returned!

HOLY FUCK! I never been so relieved!

When he came back I ran and gave him a tight hug and he just whispered, "There there, baby girl, I'm home." I hit Joel's arm telling him he got me so worried, and he said they ran into some trouble with the hunters and had to hide from huge gang of clickers and bloaters. They managed to overpower them, and got back with plenty of resources. I asked him, "Where's my guitar?" but he just laughed it off and promised me perhaps he will remember to get one next time.

At that moment, I temporarily put all the new revelation I found through Fiona's story out of my mind. I was just SO glad to see Joel again. He looked tired. I won't talk to him about it for now. We will find another time and place to speak about it when things get less crazy around here.

Besides , I was distracted by the new face that they have with them . A sharp jaw man with a broken leg, tied to a splint. He look like a soldier, with that lean agile looking build. He also look a little... dangerous. They are asking Fiona to help fix this man up. I'm going to go out to see him, I caught a glimpse of him earlier when they got back together, but he was quickly ushered to the clinic along with some of the injured men. Apparently he was pivotal in helping them escaped the clickers.

I'm going to head to the clinic to see if I can help out, at the same time hear the full account of the newcomer's story.

However I have a bad feeling about him in the pit of my stomach...


	5. Chapter 5: FIONA'S MEMOIR - HOPE

**CHAPTER 5 : FIONA'S MEMOIRS-LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL**

Despair…

Hunger…

Hopelessness…

I used my last ounce of energy and made some futile knocks on the iron gate of the hydroelectric station, hoping the rattle would alert someone to help me…

Help us…

There seemed to be no one answering, and I was running out of strength and time.

I silently apologize to my late lover, Samuel and my unborn baby. Even there is no confirmation that I am pregnant, after all the past weeks of trudging along, I could still feel my child growing inside me. I could still picture Sam's shock and happiness that he is going to be a daddy even after that hard slap on his face.

I came so far , because my child deserves a life even in this bleak world , but I am no match to the CBI outbreak , or the forces of nature. After 20 plus years of hard battle , I realized I am nowhere close in winning my fight. I, Fiona Sanderson, am still a weakling , and will always be . After Sam's horrific death , I couldn't even manage to keep the one thing that reminds me of him , and my sanity , alive.

I laid down on some grass beside the gate. The warmness of the grass and the ground was inviting to my shivering body. I closed my eyes. My world slowly turned to darkness. Strangely, as much as I welcomed death, It did not come so easily, I soon found myself awoke and back in a very familiar place…

I was dressed in my pyjamas and lying on my bed, covered with my very own comforter I sew out of scrap clothes I managed to collect throughout the months. I was so proud of that comforter. It might not be a masterpiece but it turned out not bad for a hobby to train me out of my fear of needles.

I stood up, and strangely found my tiredness and hunger all gone. I decided to investigate more of my surroundings. I went to the table.

Those paper, medical books and notes piled up on my table. Those dried flowers I placed in between them. I love to collect flowers and dry them up in between my books. We never know that at any moment , we might never get to see flowers blossoming again in this crazy world…

And , something else on the table caught my eye...

That beautiful pony paperweight that Sam had carved for me… He knew I loved animals , especially horses since it reminded me of the carefree day as a village girl and my farmyard.

Sam said I resembled one of the My-Little-Pony character named Fluttershy who was always so timid, so shy, but has a heart of gold . 20 years ago, he had a little sister who loved the show before there was no longer television and electricity . Sadly, CBI infection took her away from him. I never question him much about her, knowing it still hurts him deeply and she was the reason he joined the fireflies.

It took him weeks to learn and carve the sweet little pony out of wood , before he presented it to me on one lovely valentine's day.

It couldn't be… I touched the paperweight and pinched myself. I was back to my quarters, and back to the Firefly base, after all my attempt to escape!

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, I was too scared to open it, but the person knocking outside kept calling my name and shouting " It's me , Samuel" .My door has a peephole, I used it to make sure it was not a hoax. My heart dropped as I couldn't believe what I saw!

I opened the door, and practically yanked Samuel inside my room, before I bolted it tight.I touched his face. It was not the ugly clicker I was forced to dissect to prove my loyalty. I hugged him tight. His skin was so warm , smooth and welcoming. There was no decaying flesh or gangrene.

I cried… it was driving me crazy , and I was sure this was all but a dream.

Samuel laughed at me acting so strangely and getting so emotional . He wasn't in his usual army uniform , but a dirty , worn out t shirt coupled with boxers. His hand was also carrying a toolbox, and he dropped it to calm me and reciprocate my hug.

I recovered from my initial shock , and just when I wanted to ask him some question , Sam hushed me by drying my tears and pressing his finger against my lips. He asked me if his precious " princess" wanted her shower tap fixed . With one swift move, he gathered the toolbox and swoop me up , carrying me into the bathroom

The shower tap does ring some memories , but at that moment, I was too startled to recall anything. ..

Once we reached the bathroom, Sam dropped his toolbox again and let me down on the bathroom floor . He gave me the most heart delving kiss he could muster. I just wanted to melt in that moment forever… but I knew it was too good to be true…

So many questions ringing in my head

How did I get back to the firefly base?

How did Samuel survive being a clicker… and being shot by that.. that monster?

What about our escape plan?

Before things get serious , I shoved him and asked him how did he managed to survive after turning into a clicker and being shot by Jackson , but he simply replied that he was back and will never leave me. That was all that matters. . For that precious moment , I was just too tired to argue. He spoke the truth - he was alive and came back to me , nothing else seemed to matter.

Sam gently pushed me against the washroom wall. I felt the showertap dripped water onto my hair and turned my head towards it . I told Sam I couldn't remember much about when or how it was broken , but he said the shower tap could wait , and he would fix it right after that .I could feel his hand reaching into my pajamas and unbuckling my bra.

It was a strange twist of fate that Sam was brought back to me, and I was never going to let him go again.

I gave in to the moment and surrendered myself. My questions could wait till a later time. We were literally tearing at each other. Modesty did not matter at that very moment. We were soon stripped to our bare necessities, and our clothing were left scattered on the floor.

One of us must have carelessly turn on the shower tap , and we were soaked wet by the warm shower water. Hungry kisses soon turned to Sam's gentle nipping and kissing on my neck. I could feel Sam pinned my hands and wet body against the washroom wall. I closed my eyes in ecstasy and prepared myself for what coming next . I felt Sam's wet body brushed against mine.

Suddenly there was a searing pain ripping down my neck to my shoulder blade . I opened my eyes. It was no longer Samuel making love to me, but a naked, deformed beast biting down my neck.

Blood started to trickle down the washroom floor. The blood mixed with the shower water.

My blood…

I let out a loud shriek , helpless as the clicker, who was once my lover , restrained me and took his second bite at my neck .Only then did I realized how a person been bitten by a clicker must have felt.

It felt like been branded with hot iron,

I screamed in agony , but the beast was relentless…

Then, I woke up in cold sweat , finding myself on a hospital bed surrounded by a team of strangers , curiously looking down at me. A middle aged man , who seems to be the leader of the gang , laid my mp3 recorder at my side . He told me the engineer had fixed the recorder. The team had listened to my memoir and knew how I land up at their hydroelectric dam.

The first thing I remembered after I snapped out of that horrible nightmare was my unborn baby. I knew if I was indeed pregnant, the fetus would have been through hell, and it was little chance it survived . Even so , I had to know the answer. It took all my strength to mouth out and request for a pregnancy test, before I drifted out of consciousness once again.


	6. Chapter 6: FIONA'S MEMOIR - DARK SECRET

**CHAPTER 6: FIONA'S MEMOIR : DARK SECRETS**

They told me I been delirious and drifting in and out of consciousness for a few days , and I wasn't even aware I been handcuffed, before they declared me CBI free and unchained me. . Slowly, i regained strength and was conscious enough to learn more about my surrounding. As it became a habit of recording myself in this mp3 player since my days with the Firefly , this voice recorder means a lot to me , and became my voice as a shy woman.

When I finally regained some strength and being able to speak. I thanked the lovely strangers for fixing up my voice recorder . I even requested for some battery and was surprised how fast they obliged me by getting some from their storage. I have a habit of recording myself as a form of memoir, partly due to the days as a surgeon, where I would record my notes and observation. Slowly I started recording my thoughts about my life as well and eventually it became a habit.

The residents also did the very best they could to confirm my pregnancy status. They scampered around the base for a pregnancy test kit .Maria and Mury , the makeshift nurse, were happy to show me the positive test and the blue bar . Back at the Fireflies headquarters, I was attempting to arrange myself for an ultrasound scan. Here, although the residents of Tommy's dam are not equipped with state of the art technology , I'm still happy with the help they could give . I was relieved to learn my child is very much alive.

I am back from the dead. And I had a reason to keep on living.

I requested my bed to be pushed beside the window so I could have a good view of what was happening outside. It is almost as if life was never disturbed in this quaint little sanctuary. For the first time in my life too, I'm not forced to commit deliberate murder by dissecting clickers and runners. I was in heaven compared to my life at the Firefly base , if not for my reoccurring nightmare and a very dark secret in this base .

One evening , Tommy felt that I was fit enough to learn the truth. He locked the clinic door, before he had very personal and important conversation with me. He said he was glad to receive me in this base , especially with my medical expertise. I would indeed be a valuable asset to the team. All he asked was one tiny favour in return…

You see, It's a small world after all. He, the leader of this refuge, happens to the brother of the middle aged man I rescued back in the Firefly base! His brother's name is Joel , and he was out hunting for supplies . The problem was wherever Joel goes , the teenage girl would follow too.

Marlene never told me she had a niece , and one that was immune to a clickers bite. The teenage girl , Ellie , was raised up by her , before she made an offer with Joel to bring her to Salt Lake City to study her CBI immunity.

Whether or not Marlene is labeled a monster for her action of ordering her niece to be literally dissected to create a vaccine , I cannot deicde. I had been in that grey area where decisions are not all easy as black and white . What was more important was I soon realized the length Joel gone through to protect Ellie , by keeping everything that happened at the Firefly base a secret from her. Tommy said she probably reminded him of his teenage daughter , who would be probably married and having children of her own if not taken away from him by the CBI outbreak. Tommy requested it stays that way , and asked me to never leave this mp3 player out of my sight – in case she got hold of it. To Ellie , Marlene was still very much alive , and she was not the only one who was immune to CBI disease .

Maybe, someday, God knows when , Joel is going to tell Ellie the truth. In the meantime, I sighed and agreed to Tommy's request. I hated to be involved in this. I knew they were worried it was too much a revelation for her to handle at her age , but it also wasn't fair for her to be kept in the dark.

I soon learned Ellie is a young teenage girl with a big heart. She would willingly die for the cost of humanity. She is also very inquisitive and bright , with wisdom beyond a girl her age . You can't keep a secret from her for very long. Try as hard as the other residents may to keep her away from me , she sneaked in one night through the window of the clinic to have a heart to heart talk with me. I was so glad she was alive and well , and couldn't help to give her a big bear hug.

We had a long talk, and Ellie almost figured out the truth in bits and pieces. When it got too much , I had to lie that i was tired and need to rest . I needed her to leave before it got too emotional , and I accidently spilled the beans.

Thank goodness she did.

In fact, I was not tired , and would love to keep myself very much awake , in case the frightening nightmare reoccurs. I been on valium .Thank goodness for Maria and Murry getting me that medication to control my nightmares for a few days now .I knew I had to quit the drug it as I had a growing baby in my belly.

It was hard to give Ellie nothing, as requested by Tommy. I wanted to clear her guilt for being so far, the only survivor recorded with immunity towards CBI infection. Ellie would seize any chance she got, especially when she was alone with me, to pop the question. I could also see there was added tension and sadness in her as Joel did not come back from his trip for a long while.

The poor girl . She must be worried sick , and cracking at the deep dark secret the whole base was keeping from her.

Life carried on, and soon, I couldn't believe I was at my new home for three long weeks . I got stronger and was no longer bedridden and restrained in the clinic. The residents somehow learned I loved farm animals and planned a pleasant surprise for me once I was fit enough to walk . With a blindfold , I was led outside to receive it.

It seems at Tommy's dam, we do get our very own abandoned house across the streets complete with electricity and clean water- a ritual that signifies we are an official member of the refugee club . Adding to that were lots of horses to ride and play with . The residents cheered as I was led to my very own abandoned house near the clinic, and given my very own horse - A mild mannered , cream colored mustang with white mane. I teared up at the kindness of the people at Jackson County, I was treated so well since my arrival. I know it is because they see me as their future doctor, nevertheless the sincerity I felt is genuine.

I made myself at home in my new house, while my horse provided me with all the natural physiotherapy I needed. I could not ride her as my pregnancy was confirmed, but I could certainly give her a long groom, besides gently guiding her for a walk around the lush field behind the hydroelectric station . We already started with slow trots around the field, and I was slowly gaining her trust.

With that , I decided to repay the kind residents as soon as possible by renovating the makeshift clinic to be a proper one, even though I been requested to take a longer rest. Ellie volunteered to help me load the boxes of medical equipment into the cabinet.

At first , I saw no harm, Ellie would never pop her question as long as there were other grown ups around. Maria and Mury were with us the whole while sorting out the medical equipment, and I was so carried away , I did not even notice they left for a break.

While sorting out the medical equipment , I reached deep inside an unsorted medical box and felt something sharp . I picked it up. It was a scapel.

Suddenly , Sam's face, seconds before his death flashed before my very eyes.

Those haunting shrieks,

Those rotten flesh

Those bloodthirsty eyes…

My lover… turned clicker… barely even recognizing me before he been murdered in cold blood.

All because of me… all my fault …because I wasn't…

My hand shook, I dropped the scalpel on the floor.

Ellie rushed to my aid . I thanked her , but frankly it only made matters worse when she started prodding me for more answers , right after that horrible flashback I had about that fateful day I lost my beloved. I regain my composure and realized it wasn't fair to blame her. She didn't know a thing , only that the fireflies killed my lover. I tried my usual act of flashing her a smile. It was hard to do so in cold sweat.

It must have hurt her badly, she replied my smile , and never talked to me again for the rest of the afternoon. She too, soon left for a break. I was in the clinic all alone.

I am not sure what happen. The trauma of cutting open my own lover must've still been fresh. I tried picking up the scalpel again, but every time Sam's infected face snarl in my vision. I broke down in tears.

Suddenly , the clinic's door burst open. In came several patients who were injured , but none as severe as a young man, roughly in his mid 20s , who had a broken ankle tied up to a splint . He started to groan in pain as soon as he was slightly conscious .

I was totally caught unprepared, when I was requested to tend to my very first patients at this new base.


	7. Chapter 7: FIONA's MEMOIR- PHILIPPE

**CHAPTER 7: FIONA'S MEMOIR : PHILIPPE**

The young man was my first patient. Only when Maria and Mury removed the splint did I see the horrific state his ankle. Days of reaching this refuge took a tow on his injury. It was a messy sight- bloodied, swollen and already showing signs of gangrene. For a while, I almost thought I was dealing with a clicker bite.

I calmed myself. If nothing was done to save this young man soon, I was afraid that he would lose his life. His foot could not be salvaged , but at least amputation should ensure his life was spared. Such a shame, for a strapping young soldier like him.

I fetched the medical box I sorted earlier , and took out the scalpel, ready for the procedure. I breathed deep, hoping that in this crucial moment, I will not get the haunting flashbacks.

The young man let out an agonizing groan.

I dropped the scalpel. Murray and Maria watched with wide eyes as I tried to pick it up , only to drop it again and again. I was so embarrassed, and burst out of the clinic in tears. I could hear Maria and Mury calling me from a distance , but I kept running.

No, I was wrong. I could not carry on the surgery. It was just too much for me, especially right after the nightmare .

They must have high doubts that I was the assistance surgeon of the Fireflies after my performance. I raced through the corridor of the clinic and headed towards my new sweet home, feeling disgusted of myself for disappointing such fine folks who gave me a new least of life . To my surprise, I bumped into no other than the middle aged man, Joel. The moment I met him, his eyes widened with shock, as if he had just seen a ghost.

Instinctively, I knew the reason why , and though being equally traumatized, I managed to calm Joel down. He remembered me, the woman who helped open the basement door for his car to escape back at Firefly base. I told him I knew all about him and the teenage girl, and that I have defected from Firefly.

Only then did Joel settled down , and told me that Ellie was helping out in the clinic. There was no time to waste, as the young man's life was still hanging in balance. I told Joel my problems , and why was I out there. Without hesitation, he came out with a brilliant plan to record my instruction on how to carry out the amputation into his own voice recorder . With some luck , Maria and Mury probably have enough experience to carry out what we recorded. Once I was done , he relayed my instruction to Maria and Mury. That way , I need not witness the procedure, but still being able to help out.

Joel and I went back to the clinic , and spend the long afternoon waiting and tending to those with lighter injury in the opposite room where the surgery was held . Ellie raced in and out, helping me gather materials I need . Since Joel is back , I was glad there was no further mention about the "dark secret" of the base from her. I guess everyone is busy, or it could be Ellie had given up seeking the answer from me and was planning on prodding Joel instead.

Thanks to Joel's brilliant plan, Maria and Mury emerged from the makeshift operating room hours later , announcing the young man's operation was a success. I couldn't be more relieved. I apologized for my action, but the both of them comforted me and said they couldn't have done it without my recorded instruction.

Maria, Mury and I took shift tending to the young man. While he was unconscious , more details about him emerged. Apparently , Joel and his team found an abandoned werehouse filled with weapons . They were happy of the bounty, but such precious resources attracted hunters too. This young man came out of nowhere, and alerted Joel and the rest of his team when they were ambushed by hunters. They were suspicious of his intention at first, thinking that he was a spy from the other hunter group until he started to fight the hunters. Joel said he fights like a pro, and dispatches the hunters very easily , before his leg was hit hard by a steel rod that the hunters found scattered on the floor. He managed to mouth out his name was Philippe, and slipped into an unconscious state thanks to the agonizing pain from his wounded leg.

I could understand why the young man was in a somber mood once he regained consciousness. Whether or not he was a man of few words before his accident, nobody had any idea . He gave few details about himself , saying he defected from the government military because they had pushed and " suffocate" their soldiers to their very brink.

I could understand how he felt . The government shut of MY University and MY chances to fulfill my promise to my mum , a long time ago

I put Philippe on strong doses of antibiotic and painkiller , and while he was not sleeping , I could often see him looking out the window ,on the makeshift bed I once was , or staring at what was left of his right foot , deep in self thought. He was given a pair of crutches, but so far , he refused to even look at them , or resigned to the fact that he was a handicapped hero.

A stray dog walked into the clinic a few days after his amputation , and I was surprised to see him picking the puppy up and stroking it. I was pleased to learn that he shown signs that he was an animal lover like me , and tried to use that to my advantage to communicate with him. I further introduced myself when I administer his medication , and told him I was an animal lover too.

Philippe smiled and said the little stray remind him of an army dog he used to handle back at the military. There was a little progress in getting to know him better thanks to the puppy which he eventually adopted and was allowed to keep by his bedside. However, he still remains like a mysterious barrier that no one at Tommy's dam could ever penetrate.

It was an awkward situation , but Philippe had nowhere else to go . The whole base felt indebted to him, and thus he was officially inducted as part of our team . As for Joel and I , we were only able to have small chats as Philippe needs round the clock care. He told me Ellie kept pestering him for the truth, but he could handle her easily.

Time flies, and today it is two weeks since Joel return from his escapade. It is my turn to tend to Philippe and give him his medication for tonight. Suddenly , there was a knock at the door. Mury appeared in cold sweat,, apologizing that she had accidently dozed off during duty. She awoken to see Philippe no longer on his hospital bed. His crutches and beloved dog were gone too!

Not good. Im signing off my memoir and going outside the clinic to help her look for him. He couldn't have gone far with his injury.

Ellie just had a chat with me this morning. I was glad she finally had a proper talk with me after such a long while , but was surprise she didn't come to me with her usual question. She said she approached me because no " grown ups" , even Joel , would listen to her opinion on something that was more urgent . She had a bad feeling about Philippe ever since he arrived . It is a dog eat dog world , and she suspect the young man had an ulterior motive for helping Joel . She told me to be careful around Philippe. I dismiss her statement as a nonsense, as I still had faith in humanity . I told her , sometimes, one does not need a reason to help someone in need. Ellie let out a disappointing sign , before thanking me for hearing her out . She shook her head and walked away to do her usual chores.

I am about to find out who is right, and who is wrong…

I am back to collect some herbal medication from the kitchen.

The good news is , we managed to find Philippe. The bad news is , the whole base had a disturbing evening, and Philippe now has a new injury , which is a deep gash on his forehead .

Mury and I split up to find Philip. I headed towards the riverside, only to hear voices coming from a distant bolder .It was there that I found Philippe , crutches neatly piled up beside him, and sitting on the huge rock by the riverside . There was an excited bark , and I could see Philippe was watching Rocky, his dog , racing happily across the riverbank.

Perhaps he just wanted some fresh air… and to enjoy the beautiful moonlit night, but he could just tell Mury, instead of leaving the clinic without due notice.

To my surprise, Philippe started talking to his excited rover after calling it over to him and calming it down. I am not a person who love to eavesdrop on people's private issue , but Ellie's word rang in my ears. I could faintly catch what Philip was telling Rocky as he petted it. I decided not to startle the both of them and slowly walked towards them,

"I don't belong here boy. The people here are friendly, but I have lied to them. I have to find a way to escape. I have important news to tell my troop. I wonder if they ever care that I am stuck here… Of course, I will try bring you wherever I go . My place is with the…"

Philip's sentence wasn't even finished when Rocky sniffed the air and growled. His ear twitched in alert. At first, I thought my cover was busted , but apparently , Rocky sensed something else.

The dog let out a horrifying yelp as a dark shadow charged at them from the nearby woods. Philip did not lose his lightning fast reflexes as a soldier even he was a handicap . He pushed Rocky towards a nearby bush and grabbed his crutches. I found a branch which was decent enough to give a hard blow to whosoever that attacked Philippe , and raced towards them to help out.

Upon closer inspection, the attacker was a lone clicker , who managed to wonder his way into Tommy's dam! I wanted to scream in horror , but all I managed to let out was a squeak. My knees buckled and I collapsed on the floor , terrified and unable to reach Philippe even though he was so close .

Tommy said security isn't really foolproof in our refuge, and occasionally, there would be one or two infected that would find their way into the refuge through the forest route . He warned us to always be on our guard,. I was just not ready to meet one.

Rocky was up in a flash , and charged at the clicker again , the poor dog ended up with a hard swat and was out cold on the ground. The clicker isn't interested in other living thing, except human being.

Enraged that the clicker hurt his dog. Philip sent a hard punch right at the clicker's face. The clicker started to stagger and disorientate . Philip seized the chance and fought him with hand to hand combat. Always aiming for the face again, and again. The punches always alternate left side and then the right side of the head, causing the clicker to be disoriented. Even fighting with his crutches , something seemed distinctive about Philip's move . I could have sworn Samuel thought me some of them to protect myself against any clicker attacks. I always complain I could never master them since I have a weak body.

Strange, those moves were only introduced to Firefly militaries an effective hand to hand method against lone infected, especially to preserve ammunitions.

As steady as he was on one leg , Philippe still wasn't use to his new body. He did not last long before he was thrown towards the bolder he had sat on earlier in the evening and suffered a hard knock on his head. Things look bad, and there was nothing I could do to help out. The clicker, despite weaken, staggered at Philippe, ready to finish him off.

I closed my eyes and prepared for the worst. Instead, I heard gunshot. When I opened my eyes, I saw Philippe shivering in fear . The clicker laid lifeless in a pool of blood just beside him . Thank goodness, Joel and Tommy found Philippe in the nick of time and shot the clicker. Joel supported Philippe back to the clinic, while Tommy picked up Rocky.

As for me, Mury found me in the bushes near the riverbank . She helped me on my feet and said she was worried sick about me and my unborn baby. I told her Philip just wanted some fresh air before he and his dog ran into trouble. I froze and was unable to get help due to my bad experience with clickers.

The truth was I discovered much… much more this very evening.

The things he told Rocky…

The way he fought the clicker… However, it was rumored that the origin of this method were from the government military, but none of us in Firefly base could confirm this. Philippe could still be from the government. Or he could be a Firefly.

While I am getting this herb to apply on Philippe's forehead, I am starting to feel uncomfortable about the disturbing revelation I found out about Philippe.

Maybe Ellie is right… there is more to Philippe besides being the new Samaritan of Tommy's base.


End file.
